Sometimes the loneliness swings back to me, I get these bad flashbacks. Deep in my head, I want an angel to wrap his gentle heated furnace arms around me while we are looking at the cherry blossoms, I want that connection attached like the oceans. It’s odd because I never felt affection, just pulled by strings. I was placed on this swing where I never reciprocated positive energy or the ardor. I had to isolate myself because I was getting too comfortable with the insults and pain, worth wasn’t something built in me, everything taken out of me. While in solitude I got to comfortable too, my pride overflowed and I didn’t want to leave my bubble, fear and depression was at the surface. Leaving my apartment gave me stress, human interaction streamed anxiety through my bloodstream and compliments left me angry. I feel like a new species with a new body, a new heart, a new mind. My worth and integrity are a crown and I speak up, not get kicked to my knees. I found my voice, the strength has been released, so don’t feel hurt when you can’t read me because I refuse to ever be nailed to that swing again. I jumped, took the nails out, let myself bleed, then heal, analyze and understand that I control the narrative now. The trauma happened but I won’t let it restrain me no more.
